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抱我 无虞 0 字 2021-09-14

陈里予正低头喝粥,闻言撩起眼皮扫他一眼:“你不怕迟到么。”

好像无论如何都要迟到,他三天两头借着看护特殊“儿童”的名义陪陈里予翘课,似乎也不差这一天早读——只是得去和英语老师解释一声,以免被认为学习态度不端正,牵连到他长期行踪不定的无辜同桌。

“没事,”于是江声答道,“都高三了,我们班一向不干涉学习方式自由,成绩不退步就行,你看后排那帮男生有几个每天按时早读的,理由正当态度端正,老师不会介意的。”

哄男朋友,不,早恋对象起床导致来不及按时到校,也算理由正当态度端正么……陈里予暗自腹诽,却也没说什么,心底里隐秘的喜悦被这样明晃晃的偏袒牵动,也一同变得明朗起来。

从一场意外的噩梦和迟到闹剧开始,这大概注定是平常又不那么平常的一天。两个人达成不去早读的共识,慢慢吃完早饭才出门,一同朝学校的方向走去。

天气阴沉,却不见下雨的意思,只是冷风干涩,掠过耳朵便有些疼。陈里予戴上外套的兜帽,视线就被帽檐挡了大半,低着头只能看见前方一小片路与两个人的腿,蓝白校裤和黑色休闲裤,步调却出奇一致。

“昨晚是不是没睡好?”江声隔着帽子摸摸他的头,惊叹于这样柔软的手感,上瘾似的多揉了两下,还来不及得寸进尺就被小猫抬手打开了,只好吸吸鼻子转移话题,“是睡不着么?”

陈里予摇摇头,动作敛在宽大兜帽下,像什么轻微鼓动的小动物:“睡着了,但早上做了噩梦。”

江声原以为他会避开这个话题,没想到不等他问,陈里予已经自顾自地说了下去:“梦到飞机失事,差一点就要坠机了——头晕得厉害,幸好你叫醒我。”

这个梦实在有些无厘头,记忆里他从未独自坐过飞机,更遑论那样诡异的空无一人的班机。陈里予闭了闭眼,梦里的心慌和晕眩还缠绕在脑海里,挥之不去。

只是说来奇怪,他听见广播里循环不停的通知,也看见机身颠簸、窗外云层极速上升,却不知为何丝毫不觉得恐惧,除去生理上本能的不适,似乎坠机于他而言也不过是个过程,通往某个既定的结局,无法激起他的任何留恋,或是求生欲。

仿佛他的内心已经化为一潭死水,再是颠簸摇晃,都激不起一丝波澜。

于是他后知后觉地意识到,这种感觉,其实很像他遇到江声之前,每时每刻缠绕着禁锢着他的沉寂心态,也是这么毫无波动,丧失了对生死的渴望或恐惧,麻木的平静的,只剩下生理本能苟延残喘,偶尔提醒他尚且活着……

江声拍拍他的脑袋,将他从逐渐不受控制的思绪里拉回现实,语气温和又平常,带着令人安心的认真:“放心吧,怎么会让你一个人坐飞机——噩梦而已,过去就过去了,不是有句话常说的么,梦和现实都是相反的。”

陈里予拉起兜帽看他一眼,眼底藏着罕见的柔软与不安,像是淋雨湿透的什么小动物,匆匆撞进他怀里,急于寻求一个雨停的信号:“真的吗?”

于是现实与记忆陡然重叠,他又想起不久前叫人起床的时候,对方从梦魇里艰难挣脱,一睁眼便略显狼狈地扑进他怀里,后背是湿的眼神也是湿的,抓着他衣服的手指冰凉,脸颊却软而滚烫,让人甚至舍不得用力拥抱——却又忍不住想将他全然收裹进怀里,仗着对方少有的脆弱得寸进尺,成为他宣泄依赖欲的唯一对象。

于是江声垂下视线,不期然同他对视,便听见自己脱口而出,是真的——要不要从后门走。

这是他们心照不宣的约定:学校后门连接着一条狭窄空巷,除去偶尔凹陷的高台便是两侧砖墙,无人经过也没有监控,比想象中干净些,偶尔心血来潮地渴望拥抱又无处可去,他们便会拐去那里,偷情一般抱一抱对方。

说偶尔也不算偶尔,一天结束写累了题,走在路上嫌冷,某些人有时候借着考试没发挥好的名义煞有介事地寻求安慰——拿着他一百四十几分的试卷却睁眼说瞎话,强说第一道选择题失误看错了——更多的是像今天这样,偶然的对视下藏着足以视作契机的突发事件,就能心安理得地绕一段远路,隐秘地满足心血来潮。

蓝白校服,阳光或阴影,无人踏足的偏僻小巷,高台前两道少年人的影子,常常一站一坐,安静地紧贴在一起,说些只有彼此才能听见的悄悄话……他们之间没有什么庞大的浪漫,只是这样细碎又闪闪发光的片段拼凑在一起,似乎也足以窥见无边宇宙里的一隙星空了。

意料之中地,陈里予点了点头。

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